Always, Sarah

This is Normal. And It's Exactly Enough.

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In this moment, I am in my office, at my desk, I can hear the AC blowing and thinking if this sentence is grammatically and punctually correct. I can hear the Boy in his room clicking his mouse and the girls laughing when they should be doing homework. 

In this moment, my desk is crowded with stuff that didn't quite make it to the garage or supplies that weren't returned to their proper spots on the shelves.

In this moment, I'm wondering if anyone will actually visit and read this since it's been ages since I've last shared anything. 

In this moment, I'm tired.

There's this underlying feeling that most of us have that we could be doing life better. This feeling leads to the need to improve, seeking comfort (and distraction) for doing things wrong, and to procrastinate as we figure things out.  I want to tell you this ~ you're not doing things wrong. You don't need to optimize or do life better.  Sometimes we forget that we are not on our way to somewhere, we're already here. Right now. In this moment.

We are already here.

Humor me for a moment (the girls' laughter has elevated to loud talking or soft arguing so I'll make this quick), pause where you are, listen, absorb your surroundings and your own state. Notice. Take it in. Now see how this moment is enough, just as it is, without any need for improvement.

In this moment, my Boy is not in the hospital. He is well enough to sit up and play video games!

In this moment, the AC is keeping my home nice and cool opposed to the 102 degree weather outside.

In this moment, my girls are doing life together!

In this moment, I am at home! I am sitting at my desk, which I haven't done in so long, reaching out to you whom I've missed so very much!

This might be obvious to some of you, but sometimes I need a reminder that each moment rushes by because we are rushing to get somewhere or busy improving and whoosh! The moment is then gone. Then my life, our lives, become this collection of unnoticed moments on our way to better, more improved things. 

These last few months, my Boy has been in and out of the hospital (see what's up here) and being with him, seeing him take in his moments have been an excellent reminder that if I get wrapped up in improving, and continue to collect unnoticed moments, one day I can join those who wonder where it all went. 

I'm not saying, I'm not going to clean up this mess - it's a wreck and I will clean it up, but I am also saying that it will not prevent me from knowing that this is normal. And it's ok because this is enough in this moment. The girls fighting right now is enough in this moment. I am not failing. I am enough in this moment. And guess what friend? You are enough in this moment.

Just as you are.

Exactly enough.

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